i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
