Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
