the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
FUCK WHALES
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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