So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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