I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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