I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
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