does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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