Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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