That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
