I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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