just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
