why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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