my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
