if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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