Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
this beer tastes like vomit already
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
