U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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