she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
‪So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?‬
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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