sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
