There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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