fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
