Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
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