You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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