these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Randomize
