you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
