we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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