Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
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Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
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