Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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