The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
