walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
