Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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