is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
