we have officially lost it.
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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