Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I think people are normalizing furries
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
