Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
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