4 words: hood of his car
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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