is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Randomize
