I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
someone owes me an orgasm
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
