i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
