i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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