I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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