I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
