ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
