Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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