I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
