I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
