it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
