you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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