Where is the hickey?
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
