I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
