Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
