I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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