i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
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Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize