If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
