Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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