he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
