Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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