I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
