She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
