Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
