If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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