I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
