morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
