I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
