I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Randomize
