I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
