New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
