I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
