I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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