I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
