You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
