i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Randomize
