people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Randomize
